Whether we are male or female we all have the opposite energy polarity within us to some degree or other. Finding our natural balance and flow between the energy polarities is a life long process. It’s fascinating to observe the cultural and familial preferences for one energy system over another. The way of the masculine has been the dominant “choice” for centuries.
Even in my lifetime, I grew up with the perception that doing was superior to being, control was stronger than surrender, mental trumped emotional and the provider was somehow more valuable than the nester. I came to the conclusion therefore that in order to be valuable, I needed to succeed in the right way. And the right way in my mind was the masculine way.
What if there is a way that values both? We hear a lot these days about how important it is to surrender in life. Essentially surrender is the opposite of control, a distinctly masculine quality. But does this mean feminine power is passive? It’s actually the opposite of passive – it’s assertive.
Being assertive is incredibly powerful. It’s the dance between surrender and action. I would go further to say it’s action that’s aligned with inspired knowing and inner wisdom. It’s intuition projected out into the world. It paints a picture quite different to the one that comes from mindless control and rigid structure. Feminine assertiveness is ferocious, yet soft and yielding. It’s far from weak, it’s the nurturing of life itself.
I’ve always found it difficult to surrender. When I was on retreat recently spending time with a herd of horses, a few people around me noticed that many of the horses were lying down in my presence. At first I thought this was just coincidence, but then I realized it was happening. For a while I didn’t understand what this meant until a few weeks later, while chatting with a friend, she mentioned that they were showing me something important. They were teaching me about surrender.
Soon after this I had a dream that I was on a raft with a number of horses that were all lying down. I was lying at their feet and every time I tried to move or get up, they would start kicking. So I needed to keep very still to avoid being kicked. This dream was extremely symbolic of my life circumstances at the time. There was so much I was letting go of, and my need to fight this or resist it in any way did not help me in the slightest. The only option left was to surrender to where I was.
How often when our lives start to fall apart do we go into “fix it” mode. Maybe the very reason why things are falling apart is because they need to fall apart. The very structures that were not supporting us need to become completely dismantled so that the ground is clear for something new to grow. Collectively we are so afraid of decomposition. Anything that breaks down signals death. To many this seems unnatural and going against the flow of life. The emptiness can be frightening. But it can also signal freedom and new life.
Resisting change makes our lives very difficult. If we can accept that life is changing anyway with or without us, it becomes easier to create a life by design instead of by default. Starting with an intention is a powerful tool for positive change. Once we have set the intent, and committed to the process as a whole, an invisible force takes over. We have signalled our preferences to Life itself. Essentially we have given permission for anything that is not serving our intent to fall away. We have become co-creators with Life.
Empowered surrender is being mindful that there is more to our lives than we can immediately see or touch. It is a state of trust in the ultimate goodness of life. This is extremely challenging when everything we are seeing or feeling is the opposite. And this is why it remains so important to stay grounded in being, which is our true source of power. The way of the Feminine is the path of least resistance. We accept what is, but this does not mean in any way that we accept defeat. It means that in the complete collapse of our lives as we knew them to be, we use the compost of these experiences to nourish the new life that is to come, and we allow the tiny shoots of pure joy to make their way up towards the light.